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Photography by Maya Pankalla

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I'm pissed off at the concept of love right now - is the goal a lie?

May 10, 2018

I'm pissed off at the concept of love right now. Why is it so hard to be honest?

 

Too often it's said, I loved him, but I wasn't IN love with him. Or the equivalent vice versa. And what the fuck does that even mean? I think we have a fucked up notion of what "enough" love is.

 

We're inundated with romance books and novels and stories - so much so that I think we've warped our sense of what true love actually is. We have this habit of idolizing things, and those idolized things are the most precious items - the "wins". But what happens when you've come to idolize something false?

 

I understand the draw of wanting passionate love. Of wanting something somewhat intangible, ephemeral, and.. unique. It's an almost magical response because it rides out past logic and reason and just FEELS fucking amazing. It feels like the win. But the problem is that even when we do get that, it is ALWAYS temporary. And I do defy you to deny that. What relationship doesn't, at least for periods of time, devolve into work? That completely loses this sense of perfection and requires patience and, (you guessed it), simple love? Not being madly in love but caring for another at a calmer, baser level, and showing them that. Something truly unconditional.

 

And I hate even saying, "devolve". See how instinctively we criticize one of the most fundamental aspects of love and relationships. Like romantic love isn't supposed to take work? It's supposed to just happen? It will smack you in the face with fairy dust and boom, you've got your happily ever after that actually lasts forever.


Uh, no.

 

This, I think, is why it's so hard to be honest. Because the goal is a lie. We're all chasing after an experience that literally doesn't exist. Of course we're plotting for something bigger and better; because we're told that this wild and magical experience not only exists, but it's the only thing we should accept. This applies to a lot more in our lives, like our careers - but that's another rant.

 

Don't get me wrong... I believe in passionate love. I believe in an amazing connection, both physical and emotional. But I think the problem is that so many of us have warped our scale of what's genuinely amazing, and what's a distorted truth.

 

Sometimes you do just love someone. And it really is that simple. You love them even when you don't desire them like a starved person after steak. And I think, if we actually pulled all the emotional and psychological nonsense aside, we'd realize... THAT is being IN LOVE.

 

And that love is enough. THAT love is truly fullfilling, on a life long basis - not just a hiccup in time.

 

But maybe that's just me.

 

Rant over.

 

I'm curious what your thoughts are. Am I off my rocker? Am I simply sunk in the deep end of emotional downpour? Or am I on to something? You can comment below.

 

 

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